Headline March 08, 2016/ ''' HIGH-TECH - *JOGGLERY* '''

''' HIGH-TECH - *JOGGLERY* '''

GIVEN  -who decides to get fit  -can be very broadly divided into two grand categories : Spenders  and  non-spenders.

The first group applies to the World Bank for a $100 billion loan to buy high-tech equipment, a gym membership, designer sports shoes and NASA-issued clothing. 

The second just strips off his clothes.

My banker friend Tan Sze Sze, a Singaporean, is the first, I am, somewhat to my anguish, the second. narrates the author.....

Sze Sze and I met for the morning jog. Noticing the sun rising, I stripped to my ancient shorts, singlet and shoes, and stepped outside. 

Sze Sze arrived in a brand-new skin-tight aerodynamic suit. He looked like a Marvel superhero, if you can imagine a small, bald, Singaporean banker Marvel superhero.

On the trail, we saw scores of Asia-based investment bankers, strutting around on their hind legs and barking at each other. As we started running, I observed  three  principles of male jogging politics.

First, the appearance of any female jogger instantly caused all male joggers to speed up, including those in the middle of having massive heart attacks. 

Second any male who overtook a female immediately sped-up.

The pressure of a woman's gaze on a male jogger's back seemed to act as a tail wind. This was involuntary. At one stage, I had a painful stitch and desperately needed to stop, but I accidentally overtook two women and my speed doubled.

Third, men perform better in clusters. The first runner, let's call him Ashok, spends  90%   of time thinking: ''I really, really need to stop but my friend Huang  seems to be having no trouble so I'd better keep going.''

At the same time his buddy Huang is thinking : ''I really, really want to stop but Ashok seems to be having no trouble so I'd better keep going.''

At the end of the run, both end up setting new records for themselves. The downside is that they are in intensive care.

If there are between  five and nine males, the process is intensified. If there are more than 10 males, they will soon be running close to the speed of Light.  

It is actually illegal for more than 20  males to run together, as their competitiveness will cause them to curve space-time.

This would destroy the universe. Some people think that would be a bad thing. Personally, I could go either way.

Half an hour  down the track, I estimated we were halfway-along the route. Sze Sze replied  ''We've travelled 4.9 kilometers.''

He showed me his global-positioning device, which sent a signal to a satellite and continuously recalculated  how far we'd gone.

After another 15 minutes, he flicked up his shirt to reveal  [above his chiseled  stomach muscles]  a device that measures his heartbeat.

''It tell me that at the fastest point of the run, the slope we just did, I reached  99%  of my recommended heart rate,'' he said.

I didn't explain that I have s simpler way of finding out when I overtax my Heart : I fall over dead.

We continued to pound the track until we reached our destination, a beach. Coming to a halt, Sze Sze checked the oversized wrist monitor. ''We ran 9.8 kilometres in one hour, six minutes.'' he said.

He clicked through a series of graphs on the screen. ''That's my heart rate. That's my running speed. That's my distance. That's my cadence, or running rhythm. That's my average stride length. That's the elevation. And that's my score on the running index.'' 

He explained that the machine would would send the data to his home computer for analysis.

On the way back, a woman jogger approached me. She pointed to her wrist monitor and said, ''I can't work out how to make this thing tell me the time.'' 

I looked at how far the sun had risen.

''It's about eight-thirty.'' I said. Then she noticed that my wrists were bare. 

''Where is your watch, anyway?'' 

I pointed to the sun. ''I keep it in the sky, where everyone can see it,'' I said. 

'' It's low-tech but it works.''

With respectful dedication to all the joggers of the world. See Ya all on !WOW!  -the World Students Society and the Ecosystem 2011.

''' The Mathematics Of Life '''

Good Night and God Bless

SAM Daily Times - the Voice of the Voiceless