Ask me my pet peeves? Arguments. To see people in the group start off with a point, repeat it over and over throughout
the prolonged conversation, and start yelling to be understood. Every time
I find myself getting into one, I bite my tongue and save my argument for a
more important time.
When other people are speaking, we normally plan for what to say next in our turn. I learnt this. I must not tune them out. They deserve to be listened to, and when they’re done I can take a few seconds to think before beginning my point.
When they’re a close family member or friend, see not their
words but their hearts instead. Know that their true intention might not be of
hurting you. Other people may not have your flair for words. It's not plain that their intent is negative. They can learn to speak good words by listening
to good language. Asking them to clarify can save you and them from big unpleasant
arguments. Make yourself get things straight.
Excessive talking can make the argument go off the track. Try staying on the original issue by saying "Let's resolve this problem first, we'll come to the other ones later."
Avoid fights not conflicts. Especially in close
relationships, it’s vital to talk about things that bother you about the other
person. If you keep ignoring, you go in a state of denial and will soon find
yourself resenting your close mate for the things that irritate you. But avoid
carrying out a discussion when you’re feeling angry the most. You will radiate
negativity. The right time to approach the discussion is when you've got past
your anger. It takes me a night to completely let go of my anger. I keep quiet
about the topic until the next morning when I'm ready to discuss. It may take some people a day or two.
Pick your battles after thinking for a while how big a deal
that matter is. A friend in my class forgot emailing the rest of her group the
guidelines for the exam next day. None of the group members reminded her of it
that day. They kept boiling inside and resented her for not letting the others
know about the guidelines. The girl was flabbergasted for not understanding why
she was being treated that way. The group developed a habit of nagging just
because they would bring up every little matter and it would break into an argument.
So the next time something really serious happens, the girl will not take it as
a big thing. It'll come across as just another fault-finding tactic of theirs.
The group could've dealt with her with kindness. They chose
to be punishing instead. This veered the girl off into retaliation. The group
itself was responsible for her bad behaviour which she started showing later on.
Another classmate of mine was an average looking person, not intelligent and
hardly achieved anything in life. Surprisingly people were more attracted to
him, solely because he was kind.
No matter how hard you try, you will be faced with people
not willing to give in in an argument. If you’re kind, your time is worth the
discussion. When the argument is over, leave the other person feel esteemed.
You may have demoralized people close to you, accidentally but your words that
demeaned them will sting them even after years. When you’re right, don’t rush
to prove yourself right. You need not prove yourself at all. When other people
are in a happy mood, they’ll admit what you said was right provided you made
them feel valued.
This post is dedicated to my junior Jawad Kazmi, who is one tough act to follow in kindness and my classmate Maimoona Junaid - one of those people I've enjoyed good communication with.
Thankyou so much Darakshan for this dedication. I'm honored :)
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